Being ill when you’re single is a weird one… I’ve had tonsillitis since Thursday (I know, poor me) and since then, other than seeing a doctor, I’ve had zero face to face contact. But I have to say… it’s how I prefer it! Nowadays I enjoy my own company- I actually can’t think of anything worse than having to see someone when I look like I do right now. Yesterday I even needed to go down to my post box (I live in a block of flats) as my sister had text me to say she’d left something “medicinal” in there… I stood at my front door for a good few minutes to check I could hear no movement from any nearby neighbours and I dashed down in my PJs in the hope no one would see me. It was a winning result… I think… unless they saw me and decided to avoid the mad girl in her PJs looking super pleased with a large bag of giant chocolate buttons!
Anyway, I’m not going to blog about being ill and woah is me (I’m on the mend, thanks for asking)… I’m instead going to let you enter the world of online dating a little more than normal. I hadn’t opened my dating apps for a while. So I thought to cheer myself up, I’d open Plenty of Fish and see what “mental messages” were waiting for me to share with you.
For those of you who don’t online date or don’t use Plenty of Fish, what you need to know is that it’s an open app. Anyone can send you a message. You don’t have to have matched with them. And it’s a mad, mad world out there.
I thought I’d copy every single new message from my inbox. There were 30 of them. I’m sure a lot of you are thinking “30 messages?! That’s amazing!! Surely a few are nice guys! How exciting”
As you will see… some are duller than dish water, some are weird and some are a bit “WTF” but I guess variety is the spice of life….. thank god I’m ill and have time to wade through them all… Online dating is like a full time job…!!
D******: Hi Shells, I would say my likes are similar to yours. I admit I did have to look up Haribos and to be honest the only ones I like are the coke bottles. So how are you.
U*****: Hi shell…. how are you finding this site then…!?
W**********: Hi Shells. how are you? What are your plans for the weekend? Up to anything exciting? X
J***: Dj shells is it ? X
O********: Hey gorgeous how are you?
T****: Hello, I really liked your profile and promise I’m not a time waster or a weirdo!! If you would like to chat I would love to hear from you.x
R**** Lovely photos x
A********: Hey Shells how’s your search going? Are you having any luck? X
L**: Hi there, fancy chatting?
G*******: Shell that pizza looks huge
H**: Hey : ) How are you finding the wonderful world of Plenty of Fish ?
R****: Hey candy pants, how are you?
N******: Afternoon shells how’s your Monday been? You have some amazing pics, love the one in the forest x
V****: So a first date?…how you fixed this week. Maybe you could let me plan it x
I*****: Hi x
S***: Hi shells, my name is S*** I see from your profile that you like to travel.
Where is the best place you’ve been to? Where would you like to go to next?
J**: Nice profile read, lots in common and agree with all your likes apart from yoga, tried it, I was on all fours panting like a dog breathing in and out. Maybe it was a rubbish instructor? After that I couldn’t take it seriously or stop giggling!
H**********: How’s your Saturday going?
A****: Hey good afternoon. You doing anything nice this weekend? Would be nice to chat and get to know you. I’m A*** by the way x
P********: Hi u ok Hun x
Y****: Hi, how are you?
F**: Hello shells x
W****: Hello good evening how are you doing hows your weekend going
B******: And chips
T*********: Hello there shells
G**** :Hi Shell we like the same things long walks outdoors coast.. Red Wine Broccoli & Radio.. I’m G*****
You’ll probably all think I’m too picky when I say none of them warranted a reply… I like to think it’s not that I’m picky… it’s that I’m at an age where I’m not going to settle for something/someone that’s not right!
One of them however I did reply to… purely because I wanted to know what terrible punch line he was going to throw at me…
S*****: Hey how are you? Obviously I’ve got to get your attention so I thought that I’d try my best joke…have you heard the joke about the gay magician???
S*****: He disappeared with a poof!! Obviously you’ve got to promise not to steal it 😉