Making the first move….

I’ve recently been doing some radio interviews (I know, get me! I’m one step away from appearing on the Graham Norton Show!) and tonight’s in particular on BBC Radio London was a very interesting topic and one that I’ve not covered and not even really thought about before.

There’s a recent study done suggesting that heterosexual relationships are more successful when the woman has made the first move.

Now I’m not going to lie… in real life, if online dating sites and apps didn’t exist, I’d be screwed. Ask any of my friends, I am RUBBISH at flirting and approaching men. A few years ago, one of my friends gave me a challenge on a night out and she said all I had to do was look at men and smile at them. Even that I failed at. I guess I’m scared of the real life face to face rejection, the embarrassment, the awkwardness.

However the bonus of online dating is that you can do all of this but from the comfort of your sofa and without the instant weirdness. It shields you from all of that. You can hide behind it.

Bumble is a dating app where the woman HAS to send the first message. I think we’ve all been so stuck with the traditional gender roles that women almost don’t think they should be the first one to send a message. Like the man is the hunter and we are the prey. But in this modern world, we are all equal. If you want something, you should go and try to get it. We have equal power in a relationship and we often need reminding that we don’t need to sit around waiting for a man to choose us… we can choose them! Bumble is making women feel more confident about sending the first message and men are reportedly enjoying that the pressure is taken off them.

Take control of your own life, don’t just sit back waiting for it to happen. For all you know, the guy may be sitting thinking “I’m not sending the first message, she can” and you could potentially be missing out on a good date by being stubborn and old fashioned and not sending the first message first. Just because Bumble forces the woman to go first, doesn’t mean on all other apps and sites you should sit back.

Just don’t over think it. You match with someone… If you want to send a message… Send a message. What’s the worst that can happen. They don’t reply? No biggie… there are literally Plenty More Fish in the Sea! If you don’t send a message and neither do they, it just becomes a collection of random men on an app who has swiped to say the like the look of you but they just sit there, clogging everything up and you are getting no dates.

Traditionally it used to look desperate, and we as women were told not to chase a man. ‘He’s just not into you’ as the film suggests makes you think that if a guy was interested, they’d send a message. But why isn’t it all equal? I think it’s more about the quality of the chat from both sides but someone has to start it.

Making the first move doesn’t mean you have to make all the moves. But someone has to go first. I think it’s more about the quality of the chat from both parties rather than who goes first. If you say the right thing, maybe a little quirky one liner about something from their profile rather than just a “hi” which suggests zero effort has gone in. This is the FIRST thing you are potentially saying to ‘The One’ so make it something memorable. But at the same time, don’t copy and paste a standard message to all as it really is obvious and suggests that you’re not that special and they’re taking no time to bother to find anything about you from the start.

A lazy start… means a lazy relationship. Or something…..

And finally and completely not linked… I saw this Valentines card yesterday and love it, I’ve posted it on my Instagram account @itstartedwithaswipe but thought I’d share it here too.



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