Vegas, anyone?

So, when most of your mates are happily in relationships or married, and you’re their one single friend who online dates, they all want a “go”.

“Can I have a go on your Tinder?” they ask. It’s like they’re asking for a go on Tetris or something. Tinder isn’t a game. It’s my actual life!

Tinder roulette is a thing…

The Urban Dictionary definition is this:

“Playing tinder in such a way that you say ‘Yes’ to everyone that pops onto your screen. Most likely played while extremely drunk or high on an array of substances”

I however am not the player of such a game.

My mates think that I’m too picky and if they swipe right on some guys that I’d probably swipe left on (I only go for the super handsome ones, of course- I like to aim high) they live in hope that they’ll send me a funny message and I’ll fall in love with their personality rather than their looks.

The awkward thing is though, they have NO idea how many people I swipe through every week, every day in fact. So they could rematch me with someone I’ve been on a date with already, they could match me with someone I’ve chatted to before who I’ve unmatched because they were a wrong’n. They could match me with a mate, not knowing they are a mate and that would be SUPER awkward. Or someone from work. Or even a mate’s ex! Now how would I ever explain that?! I’d sound like a 14 year old “my friend was playing on my Tinder and matched you by accident”.

I never used to be that bothered. I’d happily hand my phone over to anyone that asked to “have a go”. One of the lads from work years ago spent a good 30 minutes swiping right on the guys he thought would be a perfect match for me. I woke up the following day to about 10 new matches who were really not my type at all… and then I felt bad when they messaged me and I had to “unmatch” them. It’s so harsh when someone unmatches you.

I could hardly say “yeah, hi, sorry, this is awkward, one of my mates was on my Tinder and matched you however he massively misjudged my type. See ya.” That’s worse than just a straight unmatch!

The worse is when you get a notification on your phone saying “Congratulations! You have a new match!” and by the time you open Tinder to see who the match is… there is no new match. As they instantly unmatched you. If they swipe yes to everyone, they can then spend their time going through their matches and deciding who is worth keeping!

You’ve gotta have a thick skin in this world, I tell you.

The closest I get to allowing “Tinder Roulette” nowadays is being in full control of my phone i.e. I physically hold it and do the swiping, but I’ll allow my mates to watch me swipe (god that sounds SO weird!) The main comments I get are that I swipe past too fast giving no time to properly suss people out. Trust me, when you’ve been swiping for 3 years, you can instantly tell from the first photo if it’s worth looking at any more… LEFT!

Here’s today’s treat… the “mental message” goes to…

J***: Titanic.

Few minutes later…

J***: That’s the ice breaker 😉 I’m new here and looking for friendship and see where it leads. I know my message might seem awkward to you given our age gap but I go along well with girls older to me and I think you can be great friends, can’t you? So if you haven’t decided to shoot me for sending this boring message and still wanna chat, drop me a line. Thanks.